I Wish I May
by Jess J
Summary: Nomak ficlet. It was all playing out like some Shakespearean tragedy, like a twisted fairy tale that was loosing its happy ending rapidly.


Author's note: Well, I did write a ficlet set near this time, but while listening to Breaking Benjamin's, "I Wish I May," song, I suddenly got whacked with inspiration and put on Nomak's last chapter on the Blade 2 DVD, put "I Wish I May" on repeat, and got this ficlet written. Please review (I'm addicted to reviews) and hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Nomak, Damaskinos, Nyssa, Blade, or the song, "I Wish I May." I'm not making any profit from this, in fact this is causing me to neglect some of my other duties. So no suing me. Savvy?

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I WISH I MAY

It was all playing out like some Shakespearean tragedy, like a twisted fairy tale that was loosing its happy ending rapidly. It was the forgotten son, returning to the prodigal father and the favored daughter, it was the betrayed, coming for his justice, only to take from another, continuing the circle until it came to its violent and bloody end.

Nomak knew Blade would come for him. He knew the Daywalker would come for Nyssa. He knew what lie in their silent gaze, and he knew that she would never have happiness. Not because of their father - he had destroyed what she thought was happiness, true, but she would have recovered from that. She would lose her happiness because of the brother she was unaware of except as a mutation to wipe out.

And in so, he would take some happiness from Blade. He would rid him of the unwelcome desire to be more than uneasy allies with a vampire princess, and he would take the beginnings of something powerful.

And he relished it.

The reaper prince no longer cared about right and wrong, he was twisted and burning inside, demented and abused, a forgotten conscious buried to deep and to weak to try and make him stop. He lost his vision, everything was a red blur in his eyes, and he would make Blade see the red Nomak saw.

Hatred was taking over, bloodlust taking over, the thirst for revenge taking over, the longing to make others know his pain taking over, Nomak was what his father had sent the Bloodpack and the Daywalker out after - a monster. He no longer felt remorse, he no longer cared, he was numb to all emotion, apathetic to other's pain and hurt.

Nomak trembled with rage, he trembled with need for cool blood, he burned with the mutation's desperate thirst, he burned with hatred. Nomak could feel the mutation inside him taking over his mind, making him more animal than sentient being, stealing his sanity and destroying his desire to even care.

His father would die by his hands, slowly and painfully, turning to cold, empty ash, a corpse that would crumble and ruin, his supposedly noble blood spilling and drying up. He would know betrayal and agony, he would know fear of one that shared the same blood.

His sister would feel the pain their father had inflicted on him, know what it was Damaskinos couldn't do to her, but could to his son, his firstborn and his only, the rightful heir but the one to be shunned. She would become the monster Damaskinos had forced Nomak to be, she would be the abomination and the freak and the hunted, she would be what their father had kept her from until it was time for her to kill her own brother - the knowledge of the blood between them shared never even to be imparted to her.

His enemy would know what it was like to loss someone he cared for, he would feel the pain of losing one who could have loved him, who might have loved him, and he would know what it was like to loss before he could really have. He would return to his status of being despised by humans and vampires, hunted and despised by all except the old man that was more father than Damaskinos ever could be.

Part of Nomak wished he had taken Whistler from Blade, but he would settle for just Nyssa. Why should Blade have affection from his sister and from someone who was like a father to him? Why, when Nyssa despised Nomak, possibly pitied him like she would a dog? Why, when Nomak's own, true father shunned him, kept him secret, tested him, used him for an experiment?

He and Blade, they were the same and yet they were not. Perhaps he wasn't just jealous of the affection Blade received, but because Blade had the control over the monster inside him, over the thirst that plagued him. Perhaps because Blade's pain was lesser but still fierce, and he could overcome it and be the hero nobody but Nomak, Damaskinos, and Whistler knew he was.

Nomak wanted to be Blade, he wanted to be free of the pain, ever constant, to find an alternative, to find a way to overcome the addiction he never asked for. He wanted to have someone who loved and helped and protected him like a father should, he wanted to be able to have one who could look past the differences and show respect, show the hints of deeper caring beneath the surface.

He wanted to know what it was like to see the sun and to not shy away from the heat, to know what it was like to be alive.

But he never would, he never could, and he would take from those around him, he would make them pay for what was taken from him and what he had never been given. He would destroy and desecrate, he would give them the monster they had signed up to hunt.

The Daywalker would kill him. But he would take from Blade first, and he would make Blade hurt. He would make them all hurt, and he would take from them all, and he would make them know.

All the while he would wish for what could never be, and he would long for what he had only seen others have.


End file.
